The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly) Read online

  The Decimation of

  Mae

  By D H Sidebottom

  Edited by: Kyra Lennon

  Cover by: Ker Dukey

  The Decimation of Mae

  Copyright © 2014

  By D H Sidebottom

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to actual places, incidents and persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2014 D H Sidebottom. Please do not copy, alter or redistribute this book.

  For Ker Dukey.

  Without you, this book simply wouldn’t be.

  You’re my friend, my rock and my sanity.

  Love you, babe <3

  Table of Contents:

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  ‘The rule of ignorance denies our attempt at life.’

  Chapter Two

  ‘As the Devil takes us, ghosts strengthen us.’

  Chapter Three

  ‘Do not pity yourself, others will do that.’

  Chapter Four

  ‘Accept the pain. Fear the agony.’

  Chapter Five

  ‘’Death is easier than awaiting death.’

  Chapter Six

  ‘’Lessons lead us into knowledge.’

  Chapter Seven

  ‘Take the burden, never give it to others.’

  Chapter Eight

  ‘The hunt for love preys on the soul.’

  Chapter Nine

  ‘It is the teaching that prepares us, not the lesson.’

  Chapter Ten

  ‘Submit to suffering to find the promise of better.’

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘’A monster hides his true nature.’

  Chapter Twelve

  ‘Sometimes honesty is far worse than lies.’

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Veiled evil exposes true depravity.’

  Chapter Fourteen

  ‘Remember there is always a price for happiness.’

  Chapter Fifteen

  ‘Limits are limitless when you strive for more.’

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‘Preparing for death does not mean you are ready for it.’

  Chapter Seventeen

  ‘Help is a hindrance.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  ‘Guardian Angels come in many forms.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  ‘The deliverance of truth is a risk we take.’

  Chapter Twenty

  ‘In to Hell Heaven drags us.’

  Chapter Twenty One

  ‘Hiding reveals what we bury deep.’

  Chapter Twenty Two

  ‘And so it ends.’

  Epilogue

  ‘And so it begins.’

  The end

  Prologue

  The Devil visited me three times in my life; albeit, my short life. Not in the physical sense, you must understand, but very much literally.

  He was persistent, resolute and tenacious. His ruthless greed to annihilate me was utterly disturbing. I am sure if he had hierarchy, the man at the top would have dragged his arse into Hell’s prison for his unscrupulous methods.

  I was just fifteen when I first became aware of what he was capable of. This initial taste of him set the playing field for how my life was to be lived – for want of a better word.

  He mocked me, showed me mercilessly how he played the game and how he liked to cheat at said game. He ridiculed and taunted me until, six months later, he won and took something of so much importance from me that I would never be the same again.

  His second visit was, in my eyes, so much more cruel and heartless. I know we’re talking about the Devil here, and yes, you have a right to say he had no heart but even then, even when I was so utterly broken, I begged to differ and hoped – no, prayed – that somewhere deep in the caverns of his black, tortured soul there was something that beat and confused his emotions once in a while.

  The third visit was somewhat different than the other two. He tried, and at first succeeded to bring me to my knees once and for all, but then something happened. God finally intervened and altered Satan’s intention; he sent hope and morphed the Devil’s minion into an Angel, hoping to break and shatter the anguish and suffering. He gave the ability for me to feel pleasure in pain, order in the chaos and light in the darkness.

  But in giving me a reprieve, he also gave me something that would finally and ultimately obliterate me. He gave me the capability to love, therefore giving me the ability to be destroyed.

  And Satan made sure that I was destroyed. Cruelly, viciously and sadistically.

  I am Mae Swift, and this is the story of my decimation.

  Chapter One

  ‘The rule of ignorance denies our attempt at life.’

  Aged 15

  “So, Mae, how are you today?”

  I quirked an eyebrow at the seemingly stupid woman in front of me as she twisted the cap of her pen in her fingers and tipped her head in companion to her question. The light shone through the window, capping her bleach-blonde hair, giving her an almost angelic form.

  “Oh, just super, darling.”

  The edge of her lips twisted slightly but other than that she showed no reaction to my reply. “How are you getting on with Mr and Mrs Braithwaite?”

  I tilted my own head and looked at her with confusion. “Is that what they’re called? Mr and Mrs Braithwaite?”

  Her eyes narrowed, clearly misunderstanding my sarcasm. “Yes. What do you call them, Mae?”

  I scoffed and blew out a small breath. “Lazy fat bastard and lily-livered bitch.”

  Stacey’s fingers stilled, her forehead frozen with multiple creases. The pen lid flicked from her fingers and hit the bookcase across the room. She sucked in her lips, her eyes blinking rapidly as she regarded me curiously. “Is there anything I need to know about your carers?”

  “Carers?” I mused the term in my head for a moment and smirked. “Yeah, that seems suitable for them. They enjoy being cared for.”

  Her eyes scanned my face before a pitying expression covered hers, her passionate blue eyes turning grey with sadness. “Mae, you know I can’t help you unless you are completely honest with me. If the Braithwaite’s aren’t supervising you properly then we can arrange alternative accommodation.”

  I barked out a bitter laugh. “Accommodation? Wow, now I feel extra special.”

  She sighed and rubbed at her temples in frustration then sat back further into her chair and crossed her legs, giving me a quick flash of her plain white knickers. “Dr Fruhard tells me you had another incident last week.” She leaned forward to observe me more closely; her eyes penetrating mine deeply so she could get an angle on my response as she crossed her arms across her stomach, enveloping herself protectively against my bitterness. “Can you tell me why that was?”

  I shrugged. “I can but I won’t.”

  Stacey nodded as if expecting my answer. “So, can you tell me how you feel when you cut?”

  “I can but I won’t,” I repeated, my disturbed side relishing the quick flash of annoyance across her face.

  She steepled her fingers and rested her elbows on her knees as she gave out a long-suffering sigh. “Is there anything you can tell me today, Mae?”

  I studied her, taking in for the first time how pretty my psychologist really was. Her slightly curved nose was a little too small for the roundness of her face, her soft pink lips were thin but perfectly bowed and the dimple in her chin gave her a trusting appearance, if that was possible. But I didn’t trust her, far from it.

  I leaned towards her and smiled in surrender. Her eyes glinted as she became aware of my compliance. “I do have somet
hing to share.” She nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. “I’m wearing the same knickers as you. BHS white cotton briefs, super soft and made with 50% elastane for comfort and shape.”

  She pursed her lips and exhaled heavily. “Yeah, they are comfy. I generally prefer thongs but they aren’t appropriate for the workplace. Sometimes they can give you quite the wedgie when you’re sitting all day, especially in these chairs.”

  I tried to hide my amusement but she caught it and winked before she stood. “We’ll call it a day then, Mae.”

  I tilted my head then rose from my chair. I watched her walk over to her desk then place her notebook and pen on top of her anally ordered bureau. She kept her back to me but I felt her despair. There was nothing actually wrong with her but I didn’t trust anyone, it was just in my make-up, the way my body was genetically built.

  “He hits her,” I offered simply.

  Stacey turned to me, her eyes wide. “Mr Braithwaite?”

  I nodded, giving her a little something just for the thong comment. “Then he leaves me to tend to her while he goes to the pub and gets off his head.”

  She pulled in a breath. “I’ll arrange a transfer.”

  I nodded again but wondered where accommodation number three would see me.

  “Thank you, Mae,” she said quietly as I opened the door.

  I halted and kept my palm flat on the handle as my gaze remained on the deep brown wood of the door. “It helps me release the grief,” I whispered before I left the room, slowly and quietly pulling the door shut behind me.

  Chapter Two

  ‘As the Devil takes us, ghosts strengthen us.’

  Aged 18

  I rolled my eyes as Liam clumsily cupped my left breast. “Come on, Mae.”

  The sad twat had been trying to take my virginity for over three months; he should have known I wasn’t going to give in by now.

  “Fuck off, Liam,” I shouted in his ear over the dense thump of the music. The room was bouncing, some random guy’s party filling the whole of the university campus with his choice in techno beat tunes.

  I moved my head to the side and pulled in another drag before handing the joint to Liam while I held the smoke in my lungs to bring on the high that little bit quicker.

  I narrowed my eyes on the tall, dark-haired guy watching me. He lifted an eyebrow at my glare but didn’t shift his eyes from my face. He seemed to radiate a calm serenity that made me narrow my eyes and study him properly.

  I wasn’t concerned whether he considered my action rude, or even if it pissed him off, I just felt the draw of him and needed to figure out what it was about him that pulled on my senses.

  Liam continued to paw me as I analysed the voyeur. His lips twisted in humour when he noticed my shameless perusal. He ran a hand through his thick brown hair, as though straightening it just for my exploration. His eyes were just as brown, rich and chocolaty but with the slightest hint of bronzed copper. The cruel smirk on his mouth paraded the fullness of his pale lips, but it was the contours of his sculptured face which made him seem almost sinful. The dusting of stubble across his chin and neck added to his rough appeal, and the prominence of his Adam’s apple alerted me to his satisfaction with my attention.

  I sighed as Liam’s hand tried to skate under my denim skirt, his rough fingers grabbing awkwardly at my inner thigh. I punched him in the chest and scowled at him. “I said no.”

  His eyes transformed, his usual soft appearance morphing into one of twisted malice as he sank his fingers into the soft flesh between my legs.

  “Liam!” I exclaimed as his fingers probed forbiddingly at the crotch of my knickers. “Stop it, I said!”

  He pushed his body against mine and trapped me against the hallway wall, his heavy frame penning me immobile underneath him. “I’m sick of your taunts, Mae; it’s about time you put out.”

  I scoffed at him as I tried to push him away. “No, Liam. I’ve never taunted you. In fact, I can’t have made it more obvious that I don’t wanna have sex with you.”

  “Stop being so fucking frigid,” he snarled, prompting my anger to flare. Liam was usually quite timid and laid back. Fair enough, he had persistently tried to get into my knickers but he had never been quite so physical about it.

  We’d been ‘dating’, if that was an appropriate word to describe our turbulent on/off relationship, for around three months. I was only with him for the coke and I’ll admit he was a fairly good kisser, but he didn’t appeal to me in any other way.

  My eyes widened when one of his hands slid further up my skirt and the other grabbed my neck, his long, thin fingers circling my throat. “I’m not listening to no anymore, Mae. You’ve been mine for a while; it’s about time you paid for all the snow I’ve been feeding your fucking nostrils.”

  It wouldn’t be true to say I panicked but a slither of fear crawled through my veins as his eyes darkened further. I was in trouble, yet I knew it was my own fault. I’d taken from him and I knew he’d want payment for the goods soon enough.

  “Liam, please. Not here.”

  He leaned further in, the scent of something toxic flickering across my nostrils as his rancid breath told me he’d been doing more than just coke. His fingers tightened around my neck as his teeth ground with the tension in his jaw.

  I blinked as the voyeur appeared behind Liam. He locked my eyes with his as he slowly moved his mouth to Liam’s ear. “The lady said no.”

  His voice was low and quiet. His eyes were as calm as the expression on his face yet he still seemed to be furious without any physical appearance to confirm it. He exuded raw fury and disgust but didn’t exhibit it. It was hard to explain but I shivered as something disturbing crept through my bones.

  “Nowt to do with you mate, piss off,” Liam muttered as he flicked a glance over his shoulder.

  “I think you’re hurting her.”

  I frowned at the sudden chill in his tone as he blinked slowly. Liam didn’t seem to sense it as he snorted and glanced over his shoulder. “You think?”

  Voyeur smiled at me and lifted a finger as if telling me he’d be one moment. He turned around and I watched the rise and fall of his shoulders as he took a heavy inhalation, then he turned and encompassed the back of Liam’s head in his large hand, gripped tight and yanked his head back.

  “The lady asked you nicely. I asked you nicely. I think you should learn some fucking manners.”

  He then drove Liam’s head into the wall in a single forceful shove. My jaw dropped as Liam fell to the floor instantly, his nose shattered and blood smeared across his face.

  I lifted my eyes to Voyeur and stared in shock. He didn’t seem to notice my astonishment as he smiled and extended his elbow. “May I escort you home? You look rather dazed and I’m a little worried about your safety.”

  I continued to gawp as I flicked glances between him and Liam. He remained silent and calm as he waited for me to decide whether he was a safer bet than taking myself home unaccompanied. “Uhh.”

  He chuckled lightly as his cheeks reddened with a deep flush. “Excuse me, but men who presume sort of irritate me. Nobody seems to have any manners anymore.” His smile softened when he saw my wariness, and he held out his hand. “Daniel Finn. It’s a pleasure to meet you…”

  “Mae.” I coughed to clear the lump from my throat and placed my hand in his. “Mae Swift.”

  His grip was strong, yet warm and courteous, and I softened slightly, my concern ebbing away. “Well, it was lovely meeting you, Mae Swift. You take care getting home.”

  I nodded and smiled cautiously. “Yes, you too and um, thank you.”

  He smiled wider, his eyes brightening; his grin eased my nerves a little. “My pleasure.” He turned and strolled down the hallway.

  Liam moaned beside me and I dropped my eyes to see him stirring. “Wait,” I shouted after Daniel before I could change my mind. “If the offer’s still there…?”

  He turned and nodded. “Of course.” He gave me a slow smile and hel
d out his hand for me to take.

  “Thank you.” I slipped my hand in his. A small ripple of something slid through his fingers as he gently encased my fingers in his.

  “Again, my pleasure.”

  We were silent for a few minutes as we walked. It was a cool winter’s night and the chill was welcoming after the heat from the party. “Where are we heading?” Daniel asked finally as we reached the end of the street.

  “The Becks estate.” I grimaced slightly. Although the area was considered ‘neglected’ I had never been embarrassed or bothered about where I lived. The people in my block were okay and kept themselves to themselves but something about this man had me wishing for more. Maybe a part of me wanted his acceptance, or at least I didn’t want his judgment.

  He smiled and nodded, his face still a blank canvas. “So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?” He flicked me a glance but there was nothing on his face that showed his interest in the answer.

  “We’re not really together as such, more just…”

  “Friends who get high?” he cut in when I couldn’t find the right word to describe what Liam and I were.

  My eyes widened at his bluntness. “Well…” I sighed as I squinted to consider a different description but confirmed his statement with a shrug. “I suppose.”

  “Mmm.” He nodded slowly as his tongue pushed patterns into his cheek. “How old are you, Mae?”

  “How old are you?” I retorted angrily. Fuck him and his high up judgements.

  A flicker of something slithered across his face but it was gone as soon as it appeared. “Twenty five.”

  I was surprised, my lips pursing slightly by his answer. I had expected him to at least be slightly evasive but he seemed open and honest. “Eighteen.”

  He turned to look at me and smiled gently. “Well, I admire you.”